Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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