In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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