i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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