Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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