if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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