You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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