So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
my being single is dangerous.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
