There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i need some magic done to my vagina
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
