it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
