i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize