Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
