another moral hangover. fuck.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
