i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
the condom got lost in my hair
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
