Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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