Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
