i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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