cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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