areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
