Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize