I'm fucking your sister right now.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
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Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
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k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.