the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
