He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
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