Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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