I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
