Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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