when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
COCAINE IS GR8
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
