she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
