wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
