He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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