Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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