Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The struggles of a small town man whore
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
