when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize