I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
