No awkward lesbian experiences without me
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
