I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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