Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
