my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
