standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
