Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
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i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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