Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The feeling are messing with the penis
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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