im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
