We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
