I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
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Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
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I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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