i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
