remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
