Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
