I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
