It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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