The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
