I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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