I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize