dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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