Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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