I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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