Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
