Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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