Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
