your room smells of hookers.
And success
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
