There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance