Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...