he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
