awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
