god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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