After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
