I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
