is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
