I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
