I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
