she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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