Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
