SEEEEXXX PLEASE
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
