your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
