real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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