Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He felt like a one man threesome
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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