I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
