Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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