Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
