I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
