hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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