i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
