Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
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he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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