sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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